My Bailout

Keep creating more money, all for the good of the economy, 

It’s all alright isn’t it, if you politicians are all chummy,

Give it to the banks whenever they do wrong

All that you need you know, is to listen to my song.

Get my message quick, to someone over at the central bank.

Get it there urgently, even if they haven’t got a clue,

I only need to tell them quickly, I need a bailout too. 

I don’t need the 16 billion like Lehman for not paying investors on time.

I don’t need the 20 billion like Meryll got, for breaking every financial crime. 

I only want a couple of million really, for a decade or two that will do.

Can someone message the central bankers pronto,

Because I need a bailout too. 

I’ve been in some speculative assets you see, 

I’ve invested in them real good

Some sweet financial instruments I know of,

Some futures, options and puts.

I can bet on the future, I’ve seen it,

In fact I can predict a real haul,

I can make some real money for the country,

But not if the government keeps it all. 

I’ve got a bet with a sweet sweet pay-off

Though it’s only a hundred to one,

You can trust me I got it from Goldman,

And nothing will go wrong.

I’ve done all the right economic models, and they all say the self same thing,

Huge profitability for everyone, so you can be certain it’s happening. 

There’s barely any assumptions, only twenty or so,

But I’ve checked with all the big banks models, twenty is way less than theirs you know. 

But it’s also more than a lot of them, just depends on who you see.

So the pay-off is definitely set in stone certainly.

Well I’m saying it now, you know there won’t be any shocks,

The profits are good as banked, there can’t be any knocks. 

And if it all doesn’t come off,

It won’t really matter though. 

We’ve got a place on our board,

For someone sound like you, you know.

Well it’s socialism for finance, capitalism for the poor

But you can trust me thoroughly you know, I’m not going to lose it all.

Anyway you guys can just write of the debts, us bankers cannot pay.

I’m one of the good guys also, so send a bailout my way.